I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
