I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
