well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
