I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
