laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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