made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
