Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
