I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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