my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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