Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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