Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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