The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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