During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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