Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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