AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
