I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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