Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
