Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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