Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
