I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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