Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
