I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
