is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
