i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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