I've blown a few things in my day
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
