Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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