Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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