someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
