I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
