I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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