i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I want her autograph on my taint
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm too high and old for this...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
