I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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