I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
