Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
