i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
