yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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