you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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