You really coming over, don't trick.
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
