Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
