So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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