Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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