Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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