seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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