I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
