And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i already hear my dad disowning me
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize
