just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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