Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
