how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
3 2 1 whiskey
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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