I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
