Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
