im drinking this country out of the recession.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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