I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
As shirtless as possible
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
