i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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